Tag Archives: funny marketer

Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing Funny Marketing Story Lucifer

This Business Gave Lucifer 3rd Degree Burns On His Anus

Lucifer is pissed to say the least!

He has 3rd degree burn blisters on his anus, he is using his pitchfork to pop these troublesome intensely painful burn blisters.

Lucifer is shrieking in pain contemplating his next move like a World class Russian chess master.

Aloe vera, cool water, or even some honey straight from the depths of hell on the old hiney should do the trick.

Anything, to make this pain go away he shrieks in agony!

Do you truly feel Lucifers pain?

What is it that you truly desire?

Lucifer looks straight into your soul and asks you the eternal question of happiness?

But, how will you answer?

You as an entrepreneur, affiliate, or small business owner can relate to Lucifers agony and pain!

But, Lucifer has a surprise in store for you.

He knows exactly what it is that you truly desire in life.

Lucifer is going to show you how to activate your ready made software business without any budget, marketing skills, 3rd degree burns, or technical experience.

In laymens terms you do not have to slave away to make this business a real reality.

Lucifer sure knows how to bring the heat!

The question still remains can you stand in his kitchen?

See how you can start selling 8 high quality professionally designed apps and start making money today with your very own software business all done for you.

Trust me, You are going to want to watch this video until the very end!

I promise you won’t get burned!

After all this is the business that you truly desire and it is all done for you!

See How Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/video-app-suite/

After all Lucifer is an angel outcast to hell.

With this business you can be an angel outcast to heaven.

How hot is that?

ttyl

Jay

Read More
Uncategorized

Instagram Stud Sports Banana Hammock For Free Traffic + Loot

Screw the Instagram bikini models they cannot make all the money on Instagram he won’t have it.

He is turning the tables on these bikini clad women with Kardashian ghetto booties.

Enter the man banana hammock.

Drum roll pleasseeeeeee!

Daaa da da daaah!

It’s slinky

It’s tiny

It’s yellow

And it is sported by this fellow.

<<< Fake link

S.M.H. Just kidding I wouldn’t do that to you.

You laughed right?

If you didn’t you do not have a sense of humor sorry to break the bad news.

If you did laugh.

Ok, praise the lawddd I did my job then.

Back to bizznessss.

In all seriousness, if you love Instagram or just want to learn how to get more free traffic from Instagram.

Then this is for you.

Check Out This Free Video Showing You How.

Here; http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/engagermate-instagram/

Affiliates: Start Seeing Results Today: Set Your Social Media On Automation. Generating you Authority, Likes, Follows and Sales Today.

Don’t worry there is no banana hammock included.

Just good old fashioned free traffic + Instagram sales.

ttyl Jay

Read More
Uncategorized

Lazy Affiliates Wet Dream Shaaakke This Money Tree

Screw Building Websites, Writing Content, And The 1,001 Other Time Sucking Soul Crushing Things Affiliates Do That Don’t Make Diddly Squat.


Let me ask you a question more serious than a heart attack.


Are you spending a lot of your hard earned time and not making one dime?


Well wipe those teary peepers my child.


This problem solver has more answers than Alex Trebek.


Ya know the Jeopardy dude.


This makes more money than the shark tank cast.


Now, that’s a lot of dough.


Suck it Cuban.


This is for you lazy ass affiliates.


Even if your not lazy just super smart this has your name plastered all over it as well. 


No website needed.


Beginner friendly. 


Stupid simple to use and apply.


Just like your favorite deodorant.


That was a joke!


Anyhow,


Build your list on autopilot.


Ya know like one of those Tesla sweet rides that drives on autopilot.


This is scalable.


Not like the Dawn Wall which is not.


Great movie btw Netflix check it out.


Sidetracked.


Anyhow,


Seriously an Orangutan can learn how to cash in with this.


Stupid simple @ don’t worry no bananas needed.


Anyhow;


Feast your gorgeous eyes on this video by clicking that pretty link below.


Yeah, that is how you are going to see how Einstein:)


http://affiliatefunnelclones.com/bonus/jayorban

P.S. I threw in like 17 bonuses to sweeten the pot like Winnie the pooh tearing up some grade A hoonnneyyy.


Take action soldier.


March on.


Hoooohaaaawwww!


TTYL

The Funny Marketer

Read More
Forrest Gump And Making Money Online Forrest Gump+Shrimping+Making Money Online Funny Marketing Funny Marketing Story

Forrest Gump+Shrimping+Making Money Online

Runnnnn Forrest Runnnnnnnn!

When Jenny uttered those 3 magical words Forrests legs were like magical rocket ships that whisked him away faster than the speed of light.

“That boy sure could run”

Forrest sure did have some real magical legs.

But, what made Forrest so special besides his sprinting abilities was forests knack to seize opportunities when they presented themselves.

For instance.

Remember, when Forrest Gump started that shrimping business with Lieutenant Dan.

When all those other shrimping boats sank when that storm of the century came roaring through.

Forrests SS Jenny was the only shrimping boat left standing undamaged when the whole shrimping fleet was left utterly decommissioned.

So, needless to say Forrest and Lieutenant Dan caught all those tasty shrimp and made all that tasty money in the process.

Then Lieutenant Dan the no legged first mate invested all that shrimping money into a little company called Apple.

Perhaps you have heard of it.

Wink!

Forrest and Lieutenant Dan both made a boatload of money.

Then lieutenant Dan bought himself some new magical titanium legs @ even got married in the process.

Yep, Lieutenant Dan got his new legs and all was good in the World.

Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies on the planet.

Forrest Gump is a classic movie with a lot of life lessons inside the movie that you can learn from.

So, where am I going with this Forrest Gump story.

My point is you should seize opportunities when they present themselves.

Just like Forrest Gump was able to do if you want to learn how to make money online as an affiliate marketer.

Seize the shrimp boat + Apple stocks like Forrest did.

Forrest wasn’t a very smart man but he knew what money waaaasssss!

Anyhooo.

That Apple stock is your bonified self made millionaire teacher Michael Cheney.

That shrimping boat well that is going to take you to your destination when it is sailing by a little cours called the Gold Rush.

Seize the opportunity like Forrest so smartly did.

Run over and grab your piece of the Gold Rush just like Forrest did.

Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/michael-cheney-gold-rush/

Be your own ping pong star, shrimping boat captain, college football star, and the bazillion other things this mentally challenged movie man was able to accomplish with his life.

P.S. Remember to tuck that lip in Bubba if you go out and do everything on your own.

That wouldn’t be very smart.

That trip wire might detonate.

Happy travels.

Jay

A.K.A. the funny marketer.

Read More
Playboy Fabio Hunk Makes Her Scream OMG

Playboy Fabio Hunk Makes Her Scream OMG While Creating An Online ATM Machine

The Man Was All Twisted Steel And Sex Appeal.

Chiseled and shredded to the bone.

His long blonde hair flowed in the wind like he was running through Chicago in the middle of a twister.

His bronzed skin glowed like he had just participated in an all night sex party.

Oh, he had it all!

The looks, and the body that made the men shutter with envy @ the women swoon with lustful fantasies of this modern day Fabio Hunk.

Oh my gawddddd it’s him!!!

These thirsty females would scream like teen girls that just entered a Justin Bieber concert.

It was sickening to say the least.

This man got more ass than a toilet seat at an Ebola clinic in sub saharan Africa.

But,

There was one thing that this modern day hunk did not have and that was money of his own.

You know.

Moolah, dinero, cheddar, benjamins, dead presidents, green, whatever the hell you assholes want to call it.

This man was money retarded.

Yep,

His handsome face was plastered to the window of the short bus with his tongue licking the busses dirty window when it came to making money.

Yes, he could make the ladies swoon!

But, he couldn’t pay his damn cable bill to save his life.

Sure, he could sell himself to the highest bidder.

But, he was more than just a piece of tasty meat that all the women just wanted to gobble up like a great white shark on a chubby ass seal.

Much more!

He desperately wanted more cash;

He was willing to learn;

He hungered with everything in his sexy body to learn;

His ripped muscles quivered at the pure thought of knowledge;

One of his many girlfriends who had to pay for him wherever they went was quoted as saying.

“Like OMG”! You are so hot!

Just like Fabio, but the real Fabio has money, and your broker than a one legged whino on a street corner.

Bobbing her head back as her double D’S bounced up and down like a circus freak on a trampoline.

I’m not your sugar mamma Fabio!

You really need to get your act together and start making some real money!

She screamed!

That was the last straw in his handsome hat!

He would show her!

He would show all of them!

He was more than just a handsome face and a perfect ripped body!

He heard about people making money online!

Hell, if they can do it!

So, can I!

Muhahahaaaaaa!

He stumbled upon a chap from the U.K named Michael who was going to teach this handsome fella how the art of making money is done.

Fabio wannabe came.

Fabio wanna be saw.

Fabio wannabe started making money online.

And the rest is history!

With this;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/michael-cheney-gold-rush/

Now he really has it all the looks, the ripped body, the ladies, and last but not least the money!

Doesn’t this just make you sick!

The funny marketer out!

Stay handsome peeps!

Read More
Ecommerce Ecommerce Store Ecommerce Tools

Ecommerce Stores Will Be Stacking The Money This Christmas HO, HO, HO

Ecommerce Stores Will Be Stacking The Money This Christmas HO, HO, HO

Santa has a big stack of money in his jolly, giant, red Christmas sack.

For ecommerce store owners who have been jolly, nice, and wise.

The power has been shifted from offline stores to online ecommerce stores like Amazon.

Who are dominating the ecommerce online space.

Santas little helpers who were smart enough to start there own e-comm store will be reaping the rewards when the army of customers start shopping online this holiday season.

If you want some of santas stacks of holiday moolah this holiday season, and well beyond.

Yo better get that ecommerce store a rocking, and get those customers a knocking.

Start your ecommerce store here santas little helper, and grab your 14 day free trial.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/shopify/

 

Read More
Ecommerce Ecommerce Store Ecommerce Tools Forrest Gump Opens Ecommerce Store

Jennnyyyyy This Is Forrest Pleasse Open Up Jenny I Have Some Free Stufffff

Oh, the 1994 classic.

And one of my favorite movies of all time.

Run Forrest, Ruunnnn.

I was runninnnnnggggg.

But, you aint got no legs lieutenant Dan.

She smelt like cigarettes.

I taught her how to swing.

She taught me how to dangle.

I may not be a very smart man jenny.

But I know what love is.

Man, i love that movie.

Anyhow;

What does Forrest have in common with business?

Well,

He did build that bubba gump shrimping business.

And became a multi-zillionaire.

Well, this wont make you millions.

And your name doesn’t have to be jenny.

But, it will guide you so you don’t run through the opponents locker room.

After a touchdown.

Here are 15 free guides for ecommerce, affiliate marketers, and anyone running an online business.

Grab them here;

And keep running forward with your business Forrest.

Click Here To Grab Your 15 Free Ecommerce Guides And Tools Forrest

P.S. If you cant open the link go to the top of the page click resources, then scroll to free tools.

Cheering for ya

Jay

Read More
Funny Marketing

Chimpanzee Rips Marketer Limb From Limb @ Steals His Rolex

Thump, Thud, Violent Jumping, Biting limbs, kicking, Proceeded By Piercing Screams From This Wealthy Marketer.

This crazy chimp was going bananas ripping him limb from limb!

The chimps eyes had this fixed look of pure evil that only comes straight from the depths of hell.

All that was left was a diamond encrusted rolex that sparkled in the summer sun.

The crazy chimp, let out a loud shrieking scream, and proceeded to rip the rolex off of his lifeless, dangling arm.

Poor, poor, marketer!

He never stood a chance!

His lifeless body would wilt away in that hot african summer sun.

Thousands of flies, and vultures would deliver his carcass back to mother Earth.

This dimented chimp would later pawn that same rolex for his troubles.

But, why would this chimp go bananas on this wealthy affiliate marketer?

It’s Simple Really, and reminds me of what the gurus been doing all along.

Lying through there teeth.

Telling you to chase the $20 small ticket highly competitive affiliate products.

Only leaving you with a tiny bite of that tasty king sized banana.

While the guru’s sell the juicy high ticket products, and enjoy bundles of the best bananas money can buy.

This is why that chimp flipped his lid, and ripped this rich marketer to shreds.

Lies, lies, and more lies.

But not anymore, my apelike friend.

Be smart, go after the premium chiquita bananas.

Say no to lies.

Say yes to high ticket commissions.

Earn $1,000 commissions on every backend sale generated, and the keys to this marketers $1.1 million dollar business.

He is giving you the keys to all the bananas in his kingdom.

All you have to do is accept and enter.

Cesar would be proud!

Learn how here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

It’s time for you to get all that healthy potassium or a.k.a. high ticket commissions in your diet my marketing friends.

 

Read More
7 Figure Franchise Biz Opp Email Marketing Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing High Commission Paypal High Commissions Michael Cheney

Cheneys Rapping In A Commission Rainstorm

Michael Cheney Rap

Michael Cheney Rap

Warning: Michael Cheney uses supersized umbrella and raps for commission rainstorm.

[ Umbrella needed to continue reading ]

It’s true it’s raining commissions all over the place.

His umbrella pops up so he doesn’t get commissions on his face.

Those commissions are shooting from the sky and pouring down hard.

This super affiliate sure knows how to play his marketing cards.

With a $1,000 commission here.

And a $1,000 commission there.

It’s raining money everywhere.

Cheneys like Santa with his big red sack.

Giving out commissions he’s got your back.

Have you been good this year big boy or girl?

Cheneys got something that will make your head twirl.

High ticket commissions is where its at.

Cock your head sideways, and tilt your hat.

With 100% commissions you’ll be purring along.

Enter World class training you cant go wrong.

It simply is a logical choice.

Your going to think this is awesome, so raise your voice.

So,

If you think this rap stinks

Make me shut up and click that link:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

Word!

P.S. Eminem eat your heart out.

TTYL

Jay

A.K.A.

The Funny Marketer.

Cheneys Rapping In A Commission Rainstorm

Read More
7 Figure Franchise Biz Opp Uncategorized

Internet Marketer Thwarts Attack From Crybaby Wanna Be Affiliate Marketers

Crybaby wannabe internet marketers are everywhere.

There like the black plague of medieval times.

Waaaahhhh, Waaaaaahhhh,

I cant seem to make any money online.

Waaaahhh, Waaaaahhhh,

Crying like a little baby.

You want some cheese with that wine?

These crybaby marketers are everywhere.

Blaming the World, and everyone in it, for there lack of seeing any tangible results when it comes to making money online.

Mainly it is because.

Most internet marketers are plain lazy.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Or.

They do not know what the hell they are doing.

Or a combination of the both.

They believe there is a magical fairy that owns a big money tree, and sprinkles glitter on it, and the money magically appears.

Well, thanks fairy;)

You are swell.

We all wish right;)

I would grow a forest if that was the case.

Unfortunately

There are no such things as money trees.

You have to work for it.

You have to build your biz.

But I want to make it much easier for you.

How would you like all the work done for you essentially?

How would you like $1,000 instant Paypal commissions.

How would you like 100% commissions on a whole suite of best selling internet marketing products?

Including all upsells, recurring, and downsells.

You keep it all kimosabe.

How about World class affiliate marketing training where you can see and learn how Michael Cheney runs his $1.1 million dollar a year internet marketing biz.

Don’t know how to do affiliate marketing?

No worries, he will teach you everything he knows.

The more you learn.

The more you earn.

It’s like planting your own money tree.

And picking off dollar bills when the sales start coming in.

Sound interesting?

If your smart you will click that link below.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

TTYL

Jay

A.K.A. The funny marketer.

 

crybaby internet marketers

Read More
Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing This Pays Entrepreneurs Bigger Than Trump + Cuban Combined

This Pays Entrepreneurs Bigger Than Trump + Cuban Combined

Here a Trump.

There a Trump.

Everywhere a Trump, Trump.

Money Here.

Money There.

Money dancing everywhere.

Cha cha cha…

Mark Cuban hates your political views.

But you don’t care!

You want to give him a giant wedgie pulling his underwear.

Cha cha cha…

Put you both together.

What do we have?

A giant bag of moolah that can sing and dance.

Who has more money?

Trump or Cuban?

Well it’s all the same.

I think Mark Cuban does because he don’t play no games.

President Trump would beg to differ.

He says his entrepreneurial games stiffer.

Cha Cha Cha…..

Ok enough rhyming:)

What do these two well known billionaire entrepreneurs have in common?

Well they know how to make tons of cash.

And….

Drumroll please….

They recognize a great business opportunity when they see it.

Mark Cubans a shark in real life and on t.v.

Trumps a shark as the p.o.t.u.s. and as a serial entrepreneur.

I’ve literally seen Trumps shark fin point out the back of his suit behind his neck:)

In all seriousness, hes not a real shark people.

This isn’t Jaws for the love of all that is holy and good….

These two genius marketers are not scaaaaarrrrrrdddd

To Take Calculated Risks.

Risks that can make them much more money then they spend in the longrun.

Cuban + Trump invest in themselves.

And you can do the same.

Want to invest in yourself?

Make Your Name Goes Here Great Again?

Well good amigo.

Ok back to rhyming:)

Here comes the real Jay shady.

Telling it like it is.

Listen to him if you want to have a profitable biz.

Enter a 7 figure marketer.

Who can teach you the same.

You definitely need this to improve your money game.

Selling high ticket this is where its at.

If you don’t see my point, I hope you get attacked by a big ass cat.

This 7 figure marketer can teach you to make your bank account sing.

$1,000 commissions will make the cash registers ring.

The keys to his $1.1 million dollar business.

Will make you do the money dance.

Now click that link below Mr. fancy pants.

Click here:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

LA La La La La…..

I hope you enjoyed my rhyme.

I will see you next time.

Jay

A.K.A

The Funny Marketer.

This Pays Entrepreneurs Bigger Than Trump + Cuban Combined

Read More