Tag Archives: funny emails

Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing Funny Marketing Story Lucifer

This Business Gave Lucifer 3rd Degree Burns On His Anus

Lucifer is pissed to say the least!

He has 3rd degree burn blisters on his anus, he is using his pitchfork to pop these troublesome intensely painful burn blisters.

Lucifer is shrieking in pain contemplating his next move like a World class Russian chess master.

Aloe vera, cool water, or even some honey straight from the depths of hell on the old hiney should do the trick.

Anything, to make this pain go away he shrieks in agony!

Do you truly feel Lucifers pain?

What is it that you truly desire?

Lucifer looks straight into your soul and asks you the eternal question of happiness?

But, how will you answer?

You as an entrepreneur, affiliate, or small business owner can relate to Lucifers agony and pain!

But, Lucifer has a surprise in store for you.

He knows exactly what it is that you truly desire in life.

Lucifer is going to show you how to activate your ready made software business without any budget, marketing skills, 3rd degree burns, or technical experience.

In laymens terms you do not have to slave away to make this business a real reality.

Lucifer sure knows how to bring the heat!

The question still remains can you stand in his kitchen?

See how you can start selling 8 high quality professionally designed apps and start making money today with your very own software business all done for you.

Trust me, You are going to want to watch this video until the very end!

I promise you won’t get burned!

After all this is the business that you truly desire and it is all done for you!

See How Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/video-app-suite/

After all Lucifer is an angel outcast to hell.

With this business you can be an angel outcast to heaven.

How hot is that?

ttyl

Jay

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8k Subscribers In A Few Months! Interested?

8k Subscribers In A Few Months! Interested?

Warning: Without traffic your business will be deader than the star of weekend at Bernies da da da daaah Bernie himself.

That Bernies a real stiff.

But, lucky for you.

Drum roll pleaseeee!

These 2 very smart marketers are slicker than a 50’s greasers hair.

Minus the cool leather Jackets and 427 hp muscle cars of course.

They cracked the code on free traffic + listbuilding.

And they agreed to share with your beautiful self.

How they were able to get 8k red hot leads in just a few short months.

We are talking Cindy Crawford heyday hot leads here men.

And for you ladies out there sprinkle in a little George Clooney and a hint of some Brad Pitt for your viewing pleasure.

How you like dem apples?

And like I said all it took was a few short months.

That is shorter than a Leprachaun standing next to Shaquille Oneal at a Celtics game.

And you my friend to the end are going to get step by step access.

Not the 90’s classic hit by New Kids on the Block step by step.

God I hated that song.

No sireeeeeee….

Screw the whole new kids on the block clan.

They were the founding fathers of the boy bands everywhere epidemic.

Phew, thank god that is over.

Praise the lord and hallelulah.

Anyhow,

Back to my story.

See how these 2 email lead generation geniuses were able to generate more traffic than a Kardashian special in just a few short months.

All step by step.

Screw you New Kids.

Find out.

Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/traffic-outbreak/

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Uncategorized

Kardashian Booty Clap Sends 8,000 Leads @ Traffic Galore

Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe Kardashian shake there bon bons to the tune of billions as the most famous reality stars to do absolutely nothing of value.

Right, Right?

Can I get an Amen?

But, love them or hate them.

These dames know how to generate cash like the federal reserve bank.

Heck,

Kylie Jenner

Yep, still a Kardashian.

Anyhow, Kylie was the youngest person labeled a self made billionaire at the tender age of just 21 years old.

Thanks in big part to her makeup line.

S.M.H.

Must be nice.

Anyhow, these Kardashian women really know how to make some serious cabbage.

They know how to get eyeballs on there show and there bon bons for that matter.

As in any online business.

Eyeballs equals traffic which in turn equals sales.

Heck, just ask the Kardashian sisters they have turned traffic into an art form, and have the bank statements to prove it.

Want to know another secret to make Kardashian coin?

A big email list.

Even bigger than a Kardashian booty.

Now, that’s big!

Learn how.

One Couple Added Over 8,000 New Email Subscribers IN JUST 4 MONTHS!

Click the pretty link below and turn into your own reality star.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/traffic-outbreak/

!

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Uncategorized

Lazy Affiliates Wet Dream Shaaakke This Money Tree

Screw Building Websites, Writing Content, And The 1,001 Other Time Sucking Soul Crushing Things Affiliates Do That Don’t Make Diddly Squat.


Let me ask you a question more serious than a heart attack.


Are you spending a lot of your hard earned time and not making one dime?


Well wipe those teary peepers my child.


This problem solver has more answers than Alex Trebek.


Ya know the Jeopardy dude.


This makes more money than the shark tank cast.


Now, that’s a lot of dough.


Suck it Cuban.


This is for you lazy ass affiliates.


Even if your not lazy just super smart this has your name plastered all over it as well. 


No website needed.


Beginner friendly. 


Stupid simple to use and apply.


Just like your favorite deodorant.


That was a joke!


Anyhow,


Build your list on autopilot.


Ya know like one of those Tesla sweet rides that drives on autopilot.


This is scalable.


Not like the Dawn Wall which is not.


Great movie btw Netflix check it out.


Sidetracked.


Anyhow,


Seriously an Orangutan can learn how to cash in with this.


Stupid simple @ don’t worry no bananas needed.


Anyhow;


Feast your gorgeous eyes on this video by clicking that pretty link below.


Yeah, that is how you are going to see how Einstein:)


http://affiliatefunnelclones.com/bonus/jayorban

P.S. I threw in like 17 bonuses to sweeten the pot like Winnie the pooh tearing up some grade A hoonnneyyy.


Take action soldier.


March on.


Hoooohaaaawwww!


TTYL

The Funny Marketer

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Uncategorized

One Legged Midget Hillbilly Prospector Strikes Gold Instantly

Michael Cheney Rap

This is a story of a one legged midget named Ted.

The poor little guy barely kept his family fed.

Then one day he was limping over for some food.

And up through his computer shot a golden brood.

Online Gold that is Texas tea.

Now,

The next thing you know Teds a millionaire.

His little clan said Ted you can buy a leg just over there.

Little Ted said Michael Cheneys course is the place you all outta be.

You wont need no shovels to strike Gold and wont have to dress like a hillbilllyyyyyy!!!

So, the clan loaded up there truck and they all bought from Cheneyyyy

On dis link dat is.

Down yonder.

Right down there.

Click dat link and you wont have to move to Beverlyyyyy.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/michael-cheney-gold-rush/

You all strike gold now ya hear?

This was Beverly hillbillies theme song inspired.

Click the link to get the real gold and I’ll stop singing in this email.

Promise.

TTYL

Happy prospecting.

Ted

A.K.A.Jay

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Uncategorized

Yo Mama, Yo Daddy, Yo Bald Headed Granny. Oh, No He Didn’t!

Yo Mama Don’t Dance And Your Daddy Don’t Rock N Roll But YO Bald Headed Granny Is Dancing Like A 20 Year Old Fillipino Break Dancer!

Want To Know Why?

I bet you do you nosey son of a gun you!

You see it is simple your mama don’t dance because well, she just can’t dance she sucks!

What did you expect something clever?

Ok, ok, you win here goes!

Yes, she is white and it is not right when it comes to shaking her tail feather!

If she is not white, and still can’t dance, well she still sucks!

I am equal opportunity dancer basher.

She is not taking her dancing talents to south beach like Lebron James did with the Miami Heat!

So she does not dance case closed!

Yo daddy cant rock n roll because the dude cant sing or swing his hips to save his life.

Unless you count that weird robot dance middle aged men do when they have had one too many Heinekens!

American idol or the voice no worries your safe from your daddies abomination of lackless talent.

See those big words I threw in there to make me look smart? Yeah those sucked too!

You know what does not suck?

Yo bald headed granny!

Yep,

she’s twisting, she’s grooving, she’s moving, she’s spinning, and by golly she is winning!

Why?

She discovered this affiliate marketing coaching that’s teaching her how to get lot’s of bingo money, and that dream Cadillac with those shiny rims she always wanted to pimp the streets of a neighborhood near you, and she’s putting the 20 year old fillipino break dancers to shame with her groovy moves!

See how here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/ready-to-10x-your-affiliate-marketing-income-and-change-your-life-can-you-find-the-wizard-of-affiliate-oz/

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Uncategorized

The Worlds First Intelligent Designer @ Social Media Automation Software Is Here

Like Straight From A Future Stephen Spielberg Hot Selling Book And Future Film Where A.I. Rules Social Media!

Ever see all those cool quotes, posts, graphics, questions, banners, etc.. that tend to get so many shares and likes?

Yep, I do all the time!

Because they work!

But;

These marketers probably spend a lot of time and money creating this type of viral content.

What if you could automate this process?

Well know you can!

With this breakthrough A.I. software that works 24/7 for you.

Create;

Affiliate Graphics

Quotes:

Questions?

And much more!

Bringing you tons of traffic!

And you don’t have to sit on the computer all day getting a sore ass!

Who wants a sore ass anyways.

Direct your leads to your blog, affiliate offers, or whatever you want.

This A.I. wants to do all the stuff that you do not want to do 24/7.

Freeing up your time.

It will even get the virtual sore ass for you.

So, you can do what you want.

See how;

Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/pixamatic-pro/

I been on the computer too long my ass is sore.

Thankfully I hired this A.I. software as well.

Off to the gym:)

TTYL

Jay

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7 Figure Franchise

More Valuable Than Boardwalk And Park Place W/O Fake Monopoly Money

Who does not love the classic board game Monopoly.

The game took foreverrrrrrrr to complete but it was fun, fun, fun.

Fun I tell you!

I was either the dog, or the race car when I dominated monopoly back in the dizaaayyyyyy.

Well, at least I though I dominated.

I am a legend in my own mind:)

I don’t mean to toot my own horn.

Oh, screw it toot, toot.

But, I was pretty good at the classic game and I didn’t even have to grow a weird mustache, and wear a tophat.

It would be pretty weird to see a kid with a mustache like that anyways.

Ouch, lay off the hormones young man.

What is more valuable than boardwalk, and park place for your business?

I am so glad you asked.

And it can make you some serious real cash not paper money:)

Taught by a 7 figure English chap

( Without the weird mustache of course. )

Who built his own park place @ boardwalk internet biz

Let him show you how here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise-webinar/

Get that learning cap on my friend.

Jay

 

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Funny Marketing

Chimpanzee Rips Marketer Limb From Limb @ Steals His Rolex

Thump, Thud, Violent Jumping, Biting limbs, kicking, Proceeded By Piercing Screams From This Wealthy Marketer.

This crazy chimp was going bananas ripping him limb from limb!

The chimps eyes had this fixed look of pure evil that only comes straight from the depths of hell.

All that was left was a diamond encrusted rolex that sparkled in the summer sun.

The crazy chimp, let out a loud shrieking scream, and proceeded to rip the rolex off of his lifeless, dangling arm.

Poor, poor, marketer!

He never stood a chance!

His lifeless body would wilt away in that hot african summer sun.

Thousands of flies, and vultures would deliver his carcass back to mother Earth.

This dimented chimp would later pawn that same rolex for his troubles.

But, why would this chimp go bananas on this wealthy affiliate marketer?

It’s Simple Really, and reminds me of what the gurus been doing all along.

Lying through there teeth.

Telling you to chase the $20 small ticket highly competitive affiliate products.

Only leaving you with a tiny bite of that tasty king sized banana.

While the guru’s sell the juicy high ticket products, and enjoy bundles of the best bananas money can buy.

This is why that chimp flipped his lid, and ripped this rich marketer to shreds.

Lies, lies, and more lies.

But not anymore, my apelike friend.

Be smart, go after the premium chiquita bananas.

Say no to lies.

Say yes to high ticket commissions.

Earn $1,000 commissions on every backend sale generated, and the keys to this marketers $1.1 million dollar business.

He is giving you the keys to all the bananas in his kingdom.

All you have to do is accept and enter.

Cesar would be proud!

Learn how here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

It’s time for you to get all that healthy potassium or a.k.a. high ticket commissions in your diet my marketing friends.

 

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Funny Marketing Web Traffic Software

Watch Your Fanpages Explode Like The M.O.A.B On A Terrorist Tunnel While Sipping Mai Thais.

Watch Your Fanpages Explode Like The M.O.A.B On A Terrorist Tunnel While Sipping Mai Thais.
 
Summer is here my friends.
 
Who wants to spend these warm summer days.
 
Adding Facebook fans manually:(
 
Boring, and time consuming.
 
We have better things to do in these summer months.
 
Beaches, barbecues, drinking fruity cold alcoholic beverages:)
 
WOOHOO ……
 
And just enjoying being outdoors.
 
So,
 
With that being said:)
 
I have a cure.
 
For your social media blues.
 
Work smarter than Einstein.
 
Not harder than an Alaskan crab fisherman.
 
This is smart.
 
It is.
 
100% Autopilot Software.
 
Setup to go in 2 minutes – Newbie Ready!
 
 
Guaranteed 100% Real Targeted Fans For YOU
 
 
AUTO Posts UNLIMITED Content to Fanpages – Text, Images, Links and Videos!
 
 
Works for Fanpages in ANY NICHE. Hands-Free!
 
 
Massive Time Saver + Beta Tester Approved.
 
Put Your Fanpages on Complete AUTOPILOT &
Start Adding Unlimited 100% REAL,
Targeted FANS to Any Fanpage
 
See how
 
Here;
 
 
Sit Back Relax @ Put Your Fanpage On Complete Autopilot While You Sip those tasty cold mai thais:)
 
ttyl
 
Jay
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Email Marketing Funny Marketing Linkedin Marketing Linkedin Meets Good Will Hunting

Linkedin Meets Good Will Hunting

I loved the movie Goodwill hunting it is a classic.

Matt Damon was definitely a troubled youth growing up.

A lost soul, but a genius at the same time.

He just needed the right guidance.

Robin Williams was that guidance for Matt.

Robin Williams played a shrink.

That released Matts inner demons, his potential, and on top of that he got the girl;)

“How you like dem apples.”

This is where the business networking giant Linkedin comes in.

How would you like to learn from the Matt Damon of Linkedin?

Yes, he is a genius when it comes to making money from Linkedin.

Like Matt Damons character in Good Will Hunting.

He’s gonna show you how to catapult your email lists, how to automize your Linkedin business, and make a ton of cash doing it.

You may not get the girl from this.

But your sure to get the money.

“How you like dem apples?”

See how

Here

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/linkedtify/

 

Jay

A.K.A.

The Funny Marketer.

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7 Figure Franchise Biz Opp Email Marketing Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing High Commission Paypal High Commissions Michael Cheney

Cheneys Rapping In A Commission Rainstorm

Michael Cheney Rap

Michael Cheney Rap

Warning: Michael Cheney uses supersized umbrella and raps for commission rainstorm.

[ Umbrella needed to continue reading ]

It’s true it’s raining commissions all over the place.

His umbrella pops up so he doesn’t get commissions on his face.

Those commissions are shooting from the sky and pouring down hard.

This super affiliate sure knows how to play his marketing cards.

With a $1,000 commission here.

And a $1,000 commission there.

It’s raining money everywhere.

Cheneys like Santa with his big red sack.

Giving out commissions he’s got your back.

Have you been good this year big boy or girl?

Cheneys got something that will make your head twirl.

High ticket commissions is where its at.

Cock your head sideways, and tilt your hat.

With 100% commissions you’ll be purring along.

Enter World class training you cant go wrong.

It simply is a logical choice.

Your going to think this is awesome, so raise your voice.

So,

If you think this rap stinks

Make me shut up and click that link:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

Word!

P.S. Eminem eat your heart out.

TTYL

Jay

A.K.A.

The Funny Marketer.

Cheneys Rapping In A Commission Rainstorm

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7 Figure Franchise Biz Opp Email Marketing Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing High Commission Paypal High Commissions

Marketer Snagged And Eaten Alive By Giant Crocodile

giant saltwater Crocodile

giant saltwater Crocodile

Story Begins…

He was sitting on the banks of the Mary river in Darwin, Australia.

Stroking his keys on his Apple laptop.

Trying to sell $10.00 low ticket affiliate products.

Mistake numero uno.

The marketer logged into his JVZoo affiliate account and shockingly seen another triple zero day.

Oh no! Not again he shouted!

He then proceeded to put his head face down on his laptop in despair.

When out of the blue a giant 16 foot salty grabbed him and pulled him under and did the dreaded deathroll on the poor marketer.

He did not stand a chance!

All that was left was his Apple laptop which popped to the surface shorting out from the murky saltwater.

Mistake number 2.

Not paying attention to your surroundings!

[ warning: This is fiction but this happens everyday in the internet marketing World. ]

It’s true, this is what it’s like with the little guy in the Marketing World.

When the little guy in the internet marketing World is attacked by the giant saltwater super affiliate;)

There is nothing left but that shorted out, non working laptop, bouncing on the surface of that murky saltwater with blood droplets engrained in the keyboard.

So, how do you as the little guy even the playing field?

Well, I will tell you my croc fearing friend.

You have to go for the big moolah.

With your high ticket $1,000 instant Paypal commissions.

With your World class affiliate marketing training taught by a 7 figure super affiliate.

With your 100% commissions across a slew of best selling affiliate products.

Curious now ???

See how here:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

P.S. no marketer were hurt during the creation of this email.

Jay

A.K.A. The Funny Marketer.

 

Giant saltwater crocodile eats internet marketer.

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Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Web Traffic Software

This Software Gets More Free Traffic Than An L.A. Freeway In Rush Hour.

Beep, Beep, Beep, Get Out Of My Way…..

Honk, honk…

Crawling along.

Perspiration beaming off your dome.

Taking forever to get home.

Yep freeway traffic sucks.

But, if you are an internet marketer.

You embrace traffic.

You want to give it a big hug like that big purple dinosaur barney.

Singing I love you.

You love me.

Were a happy family.

So what kind of traffic will make you do that happy dance?

You may even bust out the old school macarena:)

Go here and see why you will be doing the happy dance:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/auto-soci-pro/

Heeeeeey macerana.

TTYL

Jay

AKA

The funny marketer.

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