This Business Gave Lucifer 3rd Degree Burns On His Anus

Jul 24,2019 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Lucifer is pissed to say the least!

He has 3rd degree burn blisters on his anus, he is using his pitchfork to pop these troublesome intensely painful burn blisters.

Lucifer is shrieking in pain contemplating his next move like a World class Russian chess master.

Aloe vera, cool water, or even some honey straight from the depths of hell on the old hiney should do the trick.

Anything, to make this pain go away he shrieks in agony!

Do you truly feel Lucifers pain?

What is it that you truly desire?

Lucifer looks straight into your soul and asks you the eternal question of happiness?

But, how will you answer?

You as an entrepreneur, affiliate, or small business owner can relate to Lucifers agony and pain!

But, Lucifer has a surprise in store for you.

He knows exactly what it is that you truly desire in life.

Lucifer is going to show you how to activate your ready made software business without any budget, marketing skills, 3rd degree burns, or technical experience.

In laymens terms you do not have to slave away to make this business a real reality.

Lucifer sure knows how to bring the heat!

The question still remains can you stand in his kitchen?

See how you can start selling 8 high quality professionally designed apps and start making money today with your very own software business all done for you.

Trust me, You are going to want to watch this video until the very end!

I promise you won’t get burned!

After all this is the business that you truly desire and it is all done for you!

See How Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/video-app-suite/

After all Lucifer is an angel outcast to hell.

With this business you can be an angel outcast to heaven.

How hot is that?

ttyl

Jay

Forrest Gump+Shrimping+Making Money Online

Mar 12,2019 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Runnnnn Forrest Runnnnnnnn!

When Jenny uttered those 3 magical words Forrests legs were like magical rocket ships that whisked him away faster than the speed of light.

“That boy sure could run”

Forrest sure did have some real magical legs.

But, what made Forrest so special besides his sprinting abilities was forests knack to seize opportunities when they presented themselves.

For instance.

Remember, when Forrest Gump started that shrimping business with Lieutenant Dan.

When all those other shrimping boats sank when that storm of the century came roaring through.

Forrests SS Jenny was the only shrimping boat left standing undamaged when the whole shrimping fleet was left utterly decommissioned.

So, needless to say Forrest and Lieutenant Dan caught all those tasty shrimp and made all that tasty money in the process.

Then Lieutenant Dan the no legged first mate invested all that shrimping money into a little company called Apple.

Perhaps you have heard of it.

Wink!

Forrest and Lieutenant Dan both made a boatload of money.

Then lieutenant Dan bought himself some new magical titanium legs @ even got married in the process.

Yep, Lieutenant Dan got his new legs and all was good in the World.

Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies on the planet.

Forrest Gump is a classic movie with a lot of life lessons inside the movie that you can learn from.

So, where am I going with this Forrest Gump story.

My point is you should seize opportunities when they present themselves.

Just like Forrest Gump was able to do if you want to learn how to make money online as an affiliate marketer.

Seize the shrimp boat + Apple stocks like Forrest did.

Forrest wasn’t a very smart man but he knew what money waaaasssss!

Anyhooo.

That Apple stock is your bonified self made millionaire teacher Michael Cheney.

That shrimping boat well that is going to take you to your destination when it is sailing by a little cours called the Gold Rush.

Seize the opportunity like Forrest so smartly did.

Run over and grab your piece of the Gold Rush just like Forrest did.

Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/michael-cheney-gold-rush/

Be your own ping pong star, shrimping boat captain, college football star, and the bazillion other things this mentally challenged movie man was able to accomplish with his life.

P.S. Remember to tuck that lip in Bubba if you go out and do everything on your own.

That wouldn’t be very smart.

That trip wire might detonate.

Happy travels.

Jay

A.K.A. the funny marketer.

15 Free Guides ” Oh My ” Follow Follow Follow The Yellow Brick Road Inside

Oct 24,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

15 Free Guides ” Oh My ” Follow Follow Follow The Yellow Brick Road Inside

How does the wizard of oz relate to making money online you ask?

Well, let me take you down the yellow brick road, and if you listen to my quick story, I will leave a link to all the free guides and tools at the end of the yellow brick road;)

Or email:)

Deal?

Deal.

We have the scarecrow, the tin woodman, and of course.

The star of this email.

dadadadaaahhhh

The cowardly lion.

The cowardly lion was scaaaarrrdddd of everything.

You remember him from the movie.

Yeah, you do not want to be him when running an online business.

Anyhow, the cowardly lion was scaaarrrdddd of his own shadow, and every living breathing creature in existence.

Name a lion like that in existence?

Really? Lol

Anyhow;

That is what made the movie entertaining, and a cult classic blockbuster hit that probably every generation has seen.

Leave it to the movies.

But;

True lions are killers, and the top predators of the African Savannah.

More like Simba.

They take massive action.

They leave no prisoners.

They are the ultimate pride.

And if you see one on an african safari my advice.

Run like hell;

And for gods sake don’t stop running.

Turn into Forrest;)

Run Forrest run.

Anyhow;

I am going to help you to start taking massive action.

Don’t be ssccaaarrrddd.

Be that lion raarrrrr.

Here are your 15 free guides, and tools to get you pouncing on your prey;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/shopify/ P.S. If the link doesn’t open go to resources and scroll down to guides to get your free stuff.

Funny Marketing

Chimpanzee Rips Marketer Limb From Limb @ Steals His Rolex

Oct 9,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Thump, Thud, Violent Jumping, Biting limbs, kicking, Proceeded By Piercing Screams From This Wealthy Marketer.

This crazy chimp was going bananas ripping him limb from limb!

The chimps eyes had this fixed look of pure evil that only comes straight from the depths of hell.

All that was left was a diamond encrusted rolex that sparkled in the summer sun.

The crazy chimp, let out a loud shrieking scream, and proceeded to rip the rolex off of his lifeless, dangling arm.

Poor, poor, marketer!

He never stood a chance!

His lifeless body would wilt away in that hot african summer sun.

Thousands of flies, and vultures would deliver his carcass back to mother Earth.

This dimented chimp would later pawn that same rolex for his troubles.

But, why would this chimp go bananas on this wealthy affiliate marketer?

It’s Simple Really, and reminds me of what the gurus been doing all along.

Lying through there teeth.

Telling you to chase the $20 small ticket highly competitive affiliate products.

Only leaving you with a tiny bite of that tasty king sized banana.

While the guru’s sell the juicy high ticket products, and enjoy bundles of the best bananas money can buy.

This is why that chimp flipped his lid, and ripped this rich marketer to shreds.

Lies, lies, and more lies.

But not anymore, my apelike friend.

Be smart, go after the premium chiquita bananas.

Say no to lies.

Say yes to high ticket commissions.

Earn $1,000 commissions on every backend sale generated, and the keys to this marketers $1.1 million dollar business.

He is giving you the keys to all the bananas in his kingdom.

All you have to do is accept and enter.

Cesar would be proud!

Learn how here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

It’s time for you to get all that healthy potassium or a.k.a. high ticket commissions in your diet my marketing friends.

: chimp rips marketer limb from limb

Depressed Leprachaun Flips On The Happy Marketing Switch

Jun 18,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

leprachaun marketing gold

[ warning no prozoac required ]

This little newbie leprachaun marketer.

Had been suffering with depression for years.

Not matter what good things happened to him.

He never seemed to be happy.

The glass was always half empty.

{ In his little irish Leprachaun eyes }

That irish frown was always upside down.

For this poor little unhappy Leprachaun clown.

( Perhaps you know someone like this )

He was seriously considering the prozoac route.

Until he discovered Michael Cheneys and his training.

Although this little leprachaun was sad, he was also ambitious.

What he discovered inside Michael Cheneys training sent shivers down his spine.

The gold chillings eventually came flooding in…

The rainbow set in full color over his house.

His frown eventually turned upside down.

He was doing the leprachaun shuffle.

He even did the irish version of the macerana:)

He was happy once again.

So, what made this little sad leprachaun happy again?

Find out here and get your shillalys

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/commission-machine-michael-cheney/

See you on the other side of the rainbow.

Brought to you by the brains at: http://jaysonlinereviews.com

Funny Marketing Web Traffic Software

Watch Your Fanpages Explode Like The M.O.A.B On A Terrorist Tunnel While Sipping Mai Thais.

Jun 15,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Watch Your Fanpages Explode Like The M.O.A.B On A Terrorist Tunnel While Sipping Mai Thais.

Summer is here my friends.

Who wants to spend these warm summer days.

Adding Facebook fans manually:(

Boring, and time consuming.

We have better things to do in these summer months.

Beaches, barbecues, drinking fruity cold alcoholic beverages:)

WOOHOO ……

And just enjoying being outdoors.

So,

With that being said:)

I have a cure.

For your social media blues.

Work smarter than Einstein.

Not harder than an Alaskan crab fisherman.

This is smart.

It is.

100% Autopilot Software.

Setup to go in 2 minutes – Newbie Ready!

Guaranteed 100% Real Targeted Fans For YOU

AUTO Posts UNLIMITED Content to Fanpages – Text, Images, Links and Videos!

Works for Fanpages in ANY NICHE. Hands-Free!

Massive Time Saver + Beta Tester Approved.

Put Your Fanpages on Complete AUTOPILOT &

Start Adding Unlimited 100% REAL,

Targeted FANS to Any Fanpage

See how

Here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/fan-marketer/

Sit Back Relax @ Put Your Fanpage On Complete Autopilot While You Sip those tasty cold mai thais:)

ttyl

Jay

Linkedin Meets Good Will Hunting

May 31,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

I loved the movie Goodwill hunting it is a classic.

Matt Damon was definitely a troubled youth growing up.

A lost soul, but a genius at the same time.

He just needed the right guidance.

Robin Williams was that guidance for Matt.

Robin Williams played a shrink.

That released Matts inner demons, his potential, and on top of that he got the girl;)

“How you like dem apples.”

This is where the business networking giant Linkedin comes in.

How would you like to learn from the Matt Damon of Linkedin?

Yes, he is a genius when it comes to making money from Linkedin.

Like Matt Damons character in Good Will Hunting.

He’s gonna show you how to catapult your email lists, how to automize your Linkedin business, and make a ton of cash doing it.

You may not get the girl from this.

But your sure to get the money.

“How you like dem apples?”

See how

Here

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/linkedtify/

Jay

A.K.A.

The Funny Marketer.

Linkedin Suite Of Tools Is More Powerful Than A 500 LB Silverback Gorilla Flipping An Suv ….

May 30,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Linkedin Suite Of Tools Is More Powerful Than A 500 LB Silverback Gorilla Flipping An Suv ….

Gorillas are big and hairy and there strength can be very scary:)

Yep, if you get one p-off Silverback he can flip an suv with no problem.

And if you have bananas in that SUV

Forget about it:)

Your going airbourne my friend.

Which brings me to my next point.

What is more impressive then that Silverback flipping that SUV with his giant black hairy ape hands?

Well, this Linkedin suite of tool, and training from a real Linkedin silverback.

He’s literally overpowering his competition.

My buddy has perfected Linkedin free advertising for lead generation.

He is the Albert Einstein of Linkedin.

He is the Picasso of Linkedin lead generation.

He is generating more leads than Dale Earnhardt Jr.

Get it?

Yeah bad jokes;)

So,

Did you know that.

Linkedin users average 6 figures plus per year.

That is some serious dough.

Anyhow.

This is stupid cool.

Check it out here my furry friend.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/linkedtify/

I know you will think this is really useful, and cool.

ttyl

Jay

A.K.A

The Funny Marketer.

Cheneys Rapping In A Commission Rainstorm

May 25,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Warning: Michael Cheney uses supersized umbrella and raps for commission rainstorm.

[ Umbrella needed to continue reading ]

It’s true it’s raining commissions all over the place.

His umbrella pops up so he doesn’t get commissions on his face.

Those commissions are shooting from the sky and pouring down hard.

This super affiliate sure knows how to play his marketing cards.

With a $1,000 commission here.

And a $1,000 commission there.

It’s raining money everywhere.

Cheneys like Santa with his big red sack.

Giving out commissions he’s got your back.

Have you been good this year big boy or girl?

Cheneys got something that will make your head twirl.

High ticket commissions is where its at.

Cock your head sideways, and tilt your hat.

With 100% commissions you’ll be purring along.

Enter World class training you cant go wrong.

It simply is a logical choice.

Your going to think this is awesome, so raise your voice.

So,

If you think this rap stinks

Make me shut up and click that link:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

Word!

P.S. Eminem eat your heart out.

TTYL

Jay

A.K.A.

The Funny Marketer.

Marketer Snagged And Eaten Alive By Giant Crocodile

May 25,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Story Begins…

He was sitting on the banks of the Mary river in Darwin, Australia.

Stroking his keys on his Apple laptop.

Trying to sell $10.00 low ticket affiliate products.

Mistake numero uno.

The marketer logged into his JVZoo affiliate account and shockingly seen another triple zero day.

Oh no! Not again he shouted!

He then proceeded to put his head face down on his laptop in despair.

When out of the blue a giant 16 foot salty grabbed him and pulled him under and did the dreaded deathroll on the poor marketer.

He did not stand a chance!

All that was left was his Apple laptop which popped to the surface shorting out from the murky saltwater.

Mistake number 2.

Not paying attention to your surroundings!

[ warning: This is fiction but this happens everyday in the internet marketing World. ]

It’s true, this is what it’s like with the little guy in the Marketing World.

When the little guy in the internet marketing World is attacked by the giant saltwater super affiliate;)

There is nothing left but that shorted out, non working laptop, bouncing on the surface of that murky saltwater with blood droplets engrained in the keyboard.

So, how do you as the little guy even the playing field?

Well, I will tell you my croc fearing friend.

You have to go for the big moolah.

With your high ticket $1,000 instant Paypal commissions.

With your World class affiliate marketing training taught by a 7 figure super affiliate.

With your 100% commissions across a slew of best selling affiliate products.

Curious now ???

See how here:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

P.S. no marketer were hurt during the creation of this email.

Jay

A.K.A. The Funny Marketer.

$1,000 MMMMMM MMMMM Good Instant High Ticket Paypal Commissions.

May 21,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

$1,000 MMMMMM MMMMM Good High Ticket Instant Paypal Commissions.

The story begins….

Remember when you were a kid and you had the delicious bowl of Campbells soup staring at you?

The heat just radiating off your face.

Just calling out to you eat me,eat me, i am so delicious…

I am even good for your ticker.

I go well with crackers.

It calls out to you.

c’mon you know you want it.

Just teasing you.

Until you just cant take it no more and you dive in spoon in hand slurping that delicious red substance like a rottweiler on a waterdish outside on a 100 degree day.

man, that was a great experience.

remember that?

Well, how would you like to get the warm, fuzzy, fulfilled feeling again as an adult?

$1,000 instant commissions, world class internet marketing training taught by a 7 figure marketer, 100% commissions on every product this 7 figure marketer has ever created, and so much more!

Sounds mmmmm mmmmm good to me.

Come get your delicious commissions on the link below.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

Listbuilding Is Like Legos Even A Child Can Build It.

May 19,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Learn how to build a big profitable email list.

Remember those fun little lego blocks that you used to put together as a child?

They fascinated you.

They intrigued you.

“You thought”

If I build it they will come.

Thinking field of dreams.

Your little child imagination just ran Wild.

Then you finally accomplished building that big skyscraper sears tower type block of legos.

You felt like Leonardo Dicaprio in Titanic.

You my friend were the king of the World.

You were prouder than a money hungry daddy who’s daughter just married the prince of Brunei.

Cha ching!

I finally did it.

How would you like that feeling again as an adult?

They say the money is in the list.

You are so hungry for that money that you can taste it.

Want that moolah?

Well,

If you want that yummy taste.

Then.

You have to learn from a top marketer who makes enough dough to pay for a small car everytime he hits send.

Learn how to build a big profitable list from someone who made over a million smackeroonies just last year alone by sending silly little emails.

There is a famous “quote”.

Learn from the best to be the best.

My friend.

“Give a man a fish he will eat for the day, But teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.”

Want to build your lego empire?

Watch your list, your money, and your lego empire build up on the link below.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/email-black-opps/

To Your Success

Jay

A.K.A. The funny marketer.

Michigan Illinois Lottery This Biz Opp Has Them All Beat

May 17,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

If you are playing the Michigan or the Illinois lottery and you are planning on striking it rich.

Good luck with that!

Chances are 1 in almost 300 million that you will be doing cartwheels, and island hunting:)

But there still is that little tiny itsy bitsy chance, and people will not hesitate to throw there hard earned money down the toilet for that little chance.

Wait can you hear the flushing sound?

😉

These odds are better than you winning the Michigan or Illinois lottery.

Facts:

You have better odds killing a great white shark in 500 feet of water with your bare hands.

Or better yet how about choking out a lion in the African Savannah.

How about beating a cheetah in a foot race.

Yeah good luck with that too:)

You get my point!

How about investing in your future

This top entrepreneur and businessman is giving away the keys to his $1.1 million dollar a year internet biz.

100% instant commissions on all his products, $1,000 instant Paypal commissions, A-Z training complete with HD videos that shows you step by step how to make money with affiliate marketing.

Affiliate marketing is promoting other peoples products or services online in exchange for a commission for you newbies reading this.

Stop relying on the Michigan and Illinois lottery to strike it rich.

Invest in yourself!

This has much, much, better odds of making you money.

This is funnymarketer.com endorsed.

Check it out below.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

TTYL

Jay

Aka The Funny Marketer.

Click here for much better odds than the michigan illinois lottery

This Pays Entrepreneurs Bigger Than Trump + Cuban Combined

May 16,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Here a Trump.

There a Trump.

Everywhere a Trump, Trump.

Money Here.

Money There.

Money dancing everywhere.

Cha cha cha…

Mark Cuban hates your political views.

But you don’t care!

You want to give him a giant wedgie pulling his underwear.

Cha cha cha…

Put you both together.

What do we have?

A giant bag of moolah that can sing and dance.

Who has more money?

Trump or Cuban?

Well it’s all the same.

I think Mark Cuban does because he don’t play no games.

President Trump would beg to differ.

He says his entrepreneurial games stiffer.

Cha Cha Cha…..

Ok enough rhyming:)

What do these two well known billionaire entrepreneurs have in common?

Well they know how to make tons of cash.

And….

Drumroll please….

They recognize a great business opportunity when they see it.

Mark Cubans a shark in real life and on t.v.

Trumps a shark as the p.o.t.u.s. and as a serial entrepreneur.

I’ve literally seen Trumps shark fin point out the back of his suit behind his neck:)

In all seriousness, hes not a real shark people.

This isn’t Jaws for the love of all that is holy and good….

These two genius marketers are not scaaaaarrrrrrdddd

To Take Calculated Risks.

Risks that can make them much more money then they spend in the longrun.

Cuban + Trump invest in themselves.

And you can do the same.

Want to invest in yourself?

Make Your Name Goes Here Great Again?

Well good amigo.

Ok back to rhyming:)

Here comes the real Jay shady.

Telling it like it is.

Listen to him if you want to have a profitable biz.

Enter a 7 figure marketer.

Who can teach you the same.

You definitely need this to improve your money game.

Selling high ticket this is where its at.

If you don’t see my point, I hope you get attacked by a big ass cat.

This 7 figure marketer can teach you to make your bank account sing.

$1,000 commissions will make the cash registers ring.

The keys to his $1.1 million dollar business.

Will make you do the money dance.

Now click that link below Mr. fancy pants.

Click here:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

LA La La La La…..

I hope you enjoyed my rhyme.

I will see you next time.

Jay

A.K.A

The Funny Marketer.

This Pays Entrepreneurs Bigger Than Trump + Cuban Combined

King Kong Beats Stupid Marketers With Jurassic Sized Bananas

May 16,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Wonder why they call that box office hit Kong skull island?

Those are human remains of deceased internet marketers.

Who ventured into hostile enemy territory.

Then got the king kong banana beatdown from the depths of hell.

That Jurassic sized Gorilla really layed the smackdown.

He hit the marketers so hard banana juice was pouring out of there orifices.

Ouch, ouch, ouch. and more ouch!

Kong is one powerful supersized ape that you do not want to piss off.

If you did you would get that old school gorilla beatdown that littered skull island with human carcasses.

Kong is that huge gorilla in the room marketers refer to as super affiliates, or gurus.

They make all the money.

They steal all those potassium rich yummy yellow naners.

Yummmmyyyyyyy!

But one fact remains!

No one messes with Kong!

No-One!

Damn you Kong!

Sound familiar marketers?

Don’t know how to compete with the King Kongs Of the internet marketing World.

Here is a top secret King Kong classified marketing tip.

You have to promote high ticket products.

Enter the king silverback of the marketing world.

He’s 1/2 ape 1/2 man and is the silverback of the marketing World.

Want to learn how to go skull island on that ass?

Well, let this silverback marketer show you how to get all the bananas.

Find out here.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/facebook-fanpage-training/

P.S. Grab a pen and some paper and a juicy ripe banana to munch on before they capture you and make you reveal your secrets.

P.S. You Will Go Donkey Kong on that ass after this training.

Jay

A.K.A.

The funny marketer out:)

Marketer Attacked By Ferocious Jurassic Sized Bumblebee

May 15,2017 / By jayorban2017 / No Comment

Human Verse Bumblebee Fight To The Death.

I was mowing my grass one sunny summer day.

When a quarter sized bumblebee starting buzzing my way.

Then the unthinkable happened.

That damn big yellow and black furry bee started dive bombing my dome.

He meant serious business.

So I did what any crazy maniac would do.

I started throwing hay makers at mr. bee.

I yelled at the bumblebee.

You want to throw down Mr. bee?

Whats up?

Heck, I am not getting stung for noone!

I landed one haymaker, that I put everything into, and the bumble bee dropped out of the sky.

This bumblebee dropped just like the M.O.A.B. on that damn terrorist tunnel.

That is what you get Mr.bee I yelled.

I walked away feeling like the undisputed U.F.C. champion of the World.

How you like me now mr. bumblebee?

Problem solved:)

Anyhow,

This bumblebee reminds me of most internet marketers.

Trying to attack everything in there business themselves.

Without trying to learn from someone who has walked the walk, and talked the talk.

Feel me?

I was this big walking dummy for a long time.

Ever see a drunk zombie?

Yeah that was me.

Arrrrggghhhhhhhh.

Until i invested in a course like a real g.

After all comrades.

The more you learn.

The more you earn.

Playas and playetttes.

Start learning and earning here:

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/commission-machine-michael-cheney/

P.S. Don’t be that dumb ass bumblebee and get knocked out by the competition.

Disclaimer: I was not drinking while creating the content of this email:)

TTYL

Jay

A.K.A.

The funny ass marketer.

Category : Funny Marketing