Tag Archives: funny marketing emails

Ecommerce Ecommerce Store Ecommerce Tools Forrest Gump Opens Ecommerce Store

Jennnyyyyy This Is Forrest Pleasse Open Up Jenny I Have Some Free Stufffff

Oh, the 1994 classic.

And one of my favorite movies of all time.

Run Forrest, Ruunnnn.

I was runninnnnnggggg.

But, you aint got no legs lieutenant Dan.

She smelt like cigarettes.

I taught her how to swing.

She taught me how to dangle.

I may not be a very smart man jenny.

But I know what love is.

Man, i love that movie.

Anyhow;

What does Forrest have in common with business?

Well,

He did build that bubba gump shrimping business.

And became a multi-zillionaire.

Well, this wont make you millions.

And your name doesn’t have to be jenny.

But, it will guide you so you don’t run through the opponents locker room.

After a touchdown.

Here are 15 free guides for ecommerce, affiliate marketers, and anyone running an online business.

Grab them here;

And keep running forward with your business Forrest.

Click Here To Grab Your 15 Free Ecommerce Guides And Tools Forrest

P.S. If you cant open the link go to the top of the page click resources, then scroll to free tools.

Cheering for ya

Jay

Read More
Funny Marketing

Chimpanzee Rips Marketer Limb From Limb @ Steals His Rolex

Thump, Thud, Violent Jumping, Biting limbs, kicking, Proceeded By Piercing Screams From This Wealthy Marketer.

This crazy chimp was going bananas ripping him limb from limb!

The chimps eyes had this fixed look of pure evil that only comes straight from the depths of hell.

All that was left was a diamond encrusted rolex that sparkled in the summer sun.

The crazy chimp, let out a loud shrieking scream, and proceeded to rip the rolex off of his lifeless, dangling arm.

Poor, poor, marketer!

He never stood a chance!

His lifeless body would wilt away in that hot african summer sun.

Thousands of flies, and vultures would deliver his carcass back to mother Earth.

This dimented chimp would later pawn that same rolex for his troubles.

But, why would this chimp go bananas on this wealthy affiliate marketer?

It’s Simple Really, and reminds me of what the gurus been doing all along.

Lying through there teeth.

Telling you to chase the $20 small ticket highly competitive affiliate products.

Only leaving you with a tiny bite of that tasty king sized banana.

While the guru’s sell the juicy high ticket products, and enjoy bundles of the best bananas money can buy.

This is why that chimp flipped his lid, and ripped this rich marketer to shreds.

Lies, lies, and more lies.

But not anymore, my apelike friend.

Be smart, go after the premium chiquita bananas.

Say no to lies.

Say yes to high ticket commissions.

Earn $1,000 commissions on every backend sale generated, and the keys to this marketers $1.1 million dollar business.

He is giving you the keys to all the bananas in his kingdom.

All you have to do is accept and enter.

Cesar would be proud!

Learn how here;

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/7-figure-franchise/

It’s time for you to get all that healthy potassium or a.k.a. high ticket commissions in your diet my marketing friends.

 

Read More
Funny Affiliate Marketing Emails Funny Marketing King Kong Beats Stupid Marketers With Jurassic Sized Bananas

King Kong Beats Stupid Marketers With Jurassic Sized Bananas

Wonder why they call that box office hit Kong skull island?

Those are human remains of deceased internet marketers.

Who ventured into hostile enemy territory.

Then got the king kong banana beatdown from the depths of hell.

That Jurassic sized Gorilla really layed the smackdown.

He hit the marketers so hard banana juice was pouring out of there orifices.

Ouch, ouch, ouch. and more ouch!

Kong is one powerful supersized ape that you do not want to piss off.

If you did you would get that old school gorilla beatdown that littered skull island with human carcasses.

Kong is that huge gorilla in the room marketers refer to as super affiliates, or gurus.

They make all the money.

They steal all those potassium rich yummy yellow naners.

Yummmmyyyyyyy!

But one fact remains!

No one messes with Kong!

No-One!

Damn you Kong!

Sound familiar marketers?

Don’t know how to compete with the King Kongs Of the internet marketing World.

Here is a top secret King Kong classified marketing tip.

You have to promote high ticket products.

Enter the king silverback of the marketing world.

He’s 1/2 ape 1/2 man and is the silverback of the marketing World.

Want to learn how to go skull island on that ass?

Well, let this silverback marketer show you how to get all the bananas.

Find out here.

http://jaysonlinereviews.com/go/facebook-fanpage-training/

P.S. Grab a pen and some paper and a juicy ripe banana to munch on before they capture you and make you reveal your secrets.

P.S. You Will Go Donkey Kong on that ass after this training.

Jay

A.K.A.

The funny marketer out:)

king kong marketing

 

Read More